The Delavigne Corporation Blog

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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

News, and a suggestion...

Hiya everyone!

I've got another interesting article for you: here!

What do you all think about eating fewer animal products to help save the environment? Did you know that livestock farming generates more C02 than transport? In fact, raising animals for meat and milk creates 18% of the world's carbon emissions.

Luna and I have been trying to get more ethical and environmentally-friendly options in the Delavigne canteen, and we were wondering how everyone would feel about a meat-free day once a week... Answers on a postcard, in the suggestion box, or as a comment on this post please!

P.S. Horatio, your prank involving a raw alligator steak on Luna's desk was neither funny nor clever. Give it a rest.

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Friday, January 23, 2009

My night with Obama

The Yes We Did! inaugural ball in Washington DC on Tuesday night was the hottest ticket in town. The music was playing and Beyoncé was stepping on my feet when a large man wearing sunglasses tapped me on the shoulder. 'Bruno Delavigne,' he said, 'come with me, the president is dying to meet you.'

We chatted, we danced, we drank champagne... In fact the 30 unforgettable seconds I spent with Barack and Michelle Obama will go down in Delavigne Corporation history. For such a suave and urbane man, it was no surprise when the president expressed a love of Delavigne perfumes. I reached into my pocket to give him my business card when five bodyguards jumped on me. I shouted 'Easy boys, there are plenty of cards to go around', but it became apparent that these guys weren't perfume lovers.

To cut a long and violent story short, Barack was very apologetic and even helped me pick up some of my teeth from the floor. Moreover, he promised to buy a case of Tiger Lily for Michelle, and also offered to fly me back to San Francisco in Air Force One. Naturally I declined but I did use the moment to tender my services as an adviser in his new administration.

I can't say yet when I'll be back in the office. I'm currently undergoing some security checks on my background and acquaintances.

Brian, if any government officials come to the office, be sure to hide Horatio.

Photocopying masterclass with Edward Moon

Next week there will be a five day seminar on photocopying led by your acting CEO, Edward Moon!

will meet in seminar room 1 at 8am on Monday.

Here is a selection of the workshops:

  • Back and Front: The dark art of double-sided photocopying.
  • Supersize me! From A4 to A3 and beyond.
  • Special effects: how to sit on a photocopier without breaking it.
  • Don't Panic: keeping your head during a paper jam.

I confirm this is a compulsory seminar for all staff.

No excuses, if you're doing something important, drop it and come along!

Very excited,
Edward Moon

PS. Don't forget we are painting Delavigne white tomorrow morning!

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

The words of Bruno

I hope you're having a great time in Washington, Bruno. I'm dying to know about the inaugural balls you attended. Did you make any contacts in the perfume lobbying industry? How was your tux? Did you dance the cha-cha or the boogaloo? So many questions....

What a speech from Obama! It was nothing on some of your best ones of course, which is why I thought you might be interested in this:
Word cloud of Obama's inaugural speech

And I thought you'd be even more pleased to see this I made for you. It's a 'word cloud' of some of your greatest speeches and presentations. I hope you're proud of me, sir. Just click on the image to see your words take their rightful place in posterity....
Wordle: Bruno's Speeches

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Barack Obama (& Bruno Delavigne?)

Bruno, is that you? Anyway, nice haircut.

Peace (and "baby come back")

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Monday, January 19, 2009

Greetings from our nation's capital

Hello Staff,

Hope things are going well for you back in SF. Here in DC, it's cold, but the hope of a new president has warmed our hearts. Also, the flask of whiskey that Horatio gave me for my birthday has helped. Tomorrow is the big day: Mr. Obama will deliver his inauguration speech to the nation. I hope I get a shout out, but I understand if Barack just wants to stick to the basics for now.

Yesterday, me and 500,000 of my new best friends got a special treat: a live concert from U2, Stevie Wonder, Shakira, and the magnificent Beyonce. Up close, she's even more beautiful than I thought. I tried to ask her for her autograph, but no words came out... I think I ended up saying: 'I like when you dance and sing and are beautiful'. Thankfully she didn't call security.

Anyhow, that's the news from here. A couple more days here in Washington, then I'm back to work. I'm really looking forward to returning to the multi-colored walls of the office. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's white walls.

Anyhow, see you guys next week.

P.S.: How's my dog?
P.P.S: You haven't painted any walls I hope.


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Friday, January 16, 2009

Paint the town white!

Right everyone!

Bruno is still away in Washington DC which means I am still boss!

As acting CEO I have decided to implement the following action: we are going to paint every building in Delavigne - white!

Please read the following article to discover the reasons for this decision:
Paint cities white to tackle global warming, scientist says

Do you think painting Delavigne property white will really make a difference?

All Delavigne staff (and any other volunteers) will meet in the Delavigne car park at 8am on Saturday 24th. Remember to wear some old clothes - you may get paint on them!


Edward Moon
CEO Delavigne Corp

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

My resolutions

I just wanted to inform you on how my New Year's resolutions are coming along:

1) Training for the San Francisco 'Iron Man' competition: Yesterday I swam for at least 15 minutes, this is progress, especially with the effort of keeping my hair out of the water. My pecs and six-pack are looking buff, and I could crack a peanut with my tight buttocks! Negative side-effects to the anabolic steroids I ordered from Israel are the private parts of my body that seem to be shrinking, and the lactating which is very uncomfortable.

2) Getting out of debt: I've cut up those credit cards (thanks Horatio!), and curbed my spending (sort of, I did see a pair of magnificent Cucci shoes in the sales). I even checked my receipts on Sunday! It took me 3 hours so I don't know if I'll be doing it again. I'm bringing in packed lunch everyday, and I've stopped going to the canteen, where the food is soooo expensive. I miss eating with my colleagues though, my desk can be a lonely place at lunchtime, especially as Bruno is away.

3) Giving up encounters with random strangers: Well, resolutions are there to be broken. I was drunk, I was wearing my lucky shirt, and I didn't want to go home to an empty bed... Anyway sticking with 2 out of 3 isn't bad.

What about your resolutions? Have you made any?

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Urgent Memo

Hello staff!

I have 4 important things to tell you.

1. I will not be in all week. I will be in Washington DC attending the inauguration of president Barack Obama.

2. My dog Stink will not be flying with me this time. Please feed, bathe and clothe him (he enjoys hooded sweatshirts at the moment).

3. If my brother, girlfriend, Harold Warbuckle or the pope calls, please do not tell them where I am.

4. During my absence, I am leaving Edward Moon in charge. For those of you who do not know Edward, he is an intern. He is clumsy and shy and has large ears, but I think he's management material. Please respect his every decree.

Peace out party people.


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Thursday, January 8, 2009

American Culture

It's difficult being an English boy in San Francisco: I miss my mother, I miss the Queen, I miss the Queen Mother even more because she's far away and also dead. But the thing I miss most is knowing how 'to read' people: the behaviour of Americans often leaves very confused indeed.

For example, I was walking home last night when I was stopped by two men wearing masks and carrying guns. They mumbled something to me, though the only word I understood was 'ass'. Was it rude of me to run away screaming? Perhaps they just wanted to chat? Has anyone else been involved in any cultural misunderstandings like this? Thanks in advance for any replies. Or if you just want to shout at me, you'll find me next to the photocopier.


Doom and gloom

Doom and gloom and doom and gloom and some more gloom for good measure. I've just been reading about the collapse of a really important pottery manufacturer in my home city of Stoke-on-Trent. It's really very sad. You can find out more here.

How does everyone feel about the current economic climate? Will the Delavigne Corporation suffer? Will jobs be lost? Or will people be buying even more perfume and cosmetics to cheer themselves up?

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Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year Bruno!

I thought you might like a nice cup of tea.

We're all out of chocolate biscuits (I told Polly to order some more, along with your favourite toilet paper), so I got you some roses instead.

May your wishes come true this year, and that you find that special person in your life!

Yours hopingly,

Brian (Jones)
Your special assistant.


So, what did everyone get for Christmas? My best present was a set of ramekins (from Bruno), and my worst was a 1.5ml sample of Tigerlily without its original packaging (from Horatio). Thanks, guys!

So spill the beans! What did you all get for Christmas? How many pairs of socks do we now have between us?


New Year, New Blog

Hello staff, customers, visitors, friends and google robots!

Bruno Delavigne here, President and CEO of the Delavigne Corporation.

2009 is here and with it comes the hopes, dreams and challenges of a new year. One of the new initiatives we've started here at the company is a brand new blog, featuring appearances and posts by our crack staff of half-wits and heroes. We hope you enjoy, participate and give us your feedback during what promises to be an exciting time for our company. We'll use this space to fill you in on our plans for the new year, complain about our peers, gossip, and most importantly discuss the status of my dog Stink (he is happy that it is snowing in Northern California).

I truly feel that this blog has unlimited potential for growth, and our future is so bright. We are now officially open for blogging.

P.S. Brian, thanks for the tea, but you know I'm a coffee man.

Jean is on the keyboard...

... and would like to present you 'une autruche' who speaks English (better than me!) :

Cartoon English lessons for kids and adults / TEASER from GymGlish on Vimeo.

Perhaps Stink can teach me something?

Jean Marron (soon fluent in English?)

It's me Jean - I wish une bonne année

Hello! It's me Jean!

I just want to wish you all a BONNE ANNEE 2009 (in the name of all frenchies) !

Jean Marron