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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Love trouble: SOS !


Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

How can I dump my girlfriend, Samantha?

Polly, Brian and Philip have tried to help me by writing a 'break-up' e-mail, but I'm not impressed. I hope you can do better!

That's right! Write a letter to Samantha for me! Make it as funny, sad, cruel or crazy as you like (remember, Samantha is all of these things and worse) and leave it in the comments below!

The best letter will receive a GymGlish t-shirt (as if helping your favourite Delavigne employee wasn't motivation enough!). Make sure you include your full name and surname in your reply - don't leave the author of the comment as 'Anonymous' otherwise we won't know who to send the t-shirt too!

Looking forward to reading your letters and finally freeing myself from this devil of a woman!

Thanks!

Jean

Labels: , , , ,

36 Comments:

Anonymous Edward Moon said...

Dear Samantha,

I don't know how to say this, but it's over between us!

We had some good times. Crazy times. But now I want to end it.

I have deleted you as a friend on facebook.

I'm sorry.

Jean

February 12, 2009 at 7:21 PM  
Anonymous Edward Moon said...

Dear Samantha,

I don't know how to say this, but it's over between us!

We had some good times. Crazy times. But now I want to end it.

I have deleted you as a friend on facebook.

I'm sorry.

Jean

February 12, 2009 at 7:21 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Dear Samantha,

From,
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 12:33 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Dear Samantha,

From,
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 12:33 PM  
Anonymous Marie Dupont said...

Dear Samantha,

I am a coward. I haven't even the courage to meet you in person and break up with you face to face. Do you really want to be with someone like me?

I am even scared of ending sent...

You deserve a real man with a backbone. A hero, not a zero.

You're better off without me.

You know it makes sense.

Forget me, then forget me some more just to make sure you've forgotten me.

I'm a worm,

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 12:40 PM  
Anonymous Marie Dupont said...

Dear Samantha,

I am a coward. I haven't even the courage to meet you in person and break up with you face to face. Do you really want to be with someone like me?

I am even scared of ending sent...

You deserve a real man with a backbone. A hero, not a zero.

You're better off without me.

You know it makes sense.

Forget me, then forget me some more just to make sure you've forgotten me.

I'm a worm,

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 12:40 PM  
Anonymous B. Blel said...

Dear Samantha,

I am very sad but I must tell you that it's finished! I don't know but I'm not in love anymore. I'm so sorry because you're a wonderful woman and I know I have a great chance to meet you but it's over. I am nervous and I fear having a beakdown...there is no good reason ...it's maybe because I'm not ready to marry you just one week after our first meeting ...and no ready anymore to have eight children as you'd like.It's a marvellous project but it's not mine.

I'm really so sorry Samantha and I hope you'll find the man who deserves you.

Hello
Your faithfully Jean

February 13, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Anonymous B. Blel said...

Dear Samantha,

I am very sad but I must tell you that it's finished! I don't know but I'm not in love anymore. I'm so sorry because you're a wonderful woman and I know I have a great chance to meet you but it's over. I am nervous and I fear having a beakdown...there is no good reason ...it's maybe because I'm not ready to marry you just one week after our first meeting ...and no ready anymore to have eight children as you'd like.It's a marvellous project but it's not mine.

I'm really so sorry Samantha and I hope you'll find the man who deserves you.

Hello
Your faithfully Jean

February 13, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Anonymous michele borgomano said...

dear samantha,

I want to hope you an happy "no saint valentine day", because this year you will be alone on the 14 february....
I must be honest with you, crazy sam, it's time to stop our relation...
no sam, no cry....
jean

February 13, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Anonymous michele borgomano said...

dear samantha,

I want to hope you an happy "no saint valentine day", because this year you will be alone on the 14 february....
I must be honest with you, crazy sam, it's time to stop our relation...
no sam, no cry....
jean

February 13, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello dear witch Samantha,
After you read these letter, you are fired!
Because you won't accept my concept of our "relation ship" who describe the following foreign proverb :
" beat your wife alldays. If you don't know why, she say's why".

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello dear witch Samantha,
After you read these letter, you are fired!
Because you won't accept my concept of our "relation ship" who describe the following foreign proverb :
" beat your wife alldays. If you don't know why, she say's why".

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Samantha,

I want to break up with you.

If you want, my friend Philipp Cheater proposed to take you out for Saint Valentine Day so that you do not stay alone.

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Samantha,

I want to break up with you.

If you want, my friend Philipp Cheater proposed to take you out for Saint Valentine Day so that you do not stay alone.

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 4:36 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

Jean,
Here you can find a very simple solution: just be honest with your (ex) girlfriend. For example, you can write something like this.

Dear Samantha,
We met us one month ago and I'm sorry but we can't continue this relationship because I don't love you. I don't want to hurt you and i know you will appreciate my honesty, maybe not now but in some months. You know, love is a strange thing: nobody can control it.
Take care of you.
Best,
Jean.

February 13, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

Jean,
Here you can find a very simple solution: just be honest with your (ex) girlfriend. For example, you can write something like this.

Dear Samantha,
We met us one month ago and I'm sorry but we can't continue this relationship because I don't love you. I don't want to hurt you and i know you will appreciate my honesty, maybe not now but in some months. You know, love is a strange thing: nobody can control it.
Take care of you.
Best,
Jean.

February 13, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Anonymous Richard Panon said...

Dear Samantha,
Are you in love with me ? Because I'm not...
Sorry to tell you that by this email but I have already deleted your phone number of my mobile. I was expecting a girl smarter than you are! To be fair I don't like the way you look my friends especially Kevin.
No please, don't be surprise! I saw your stupid smile on your face each time he spoke to you.
He is one of my bestfriend and I couldn't afford to lose my friendship with him because you cannot control your sex impulses.
Yes I am very jealous and I don't want to be cuckhold !
It's over.

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Richard Panon said...

Dear Samantha,
Are you in love with me ? Because I'm not...
Sorry to tell you that by this email but I have already deleted your phone number of my mobile. I was expecting a girl smarter than you are! To be fair I don't like the way you look my friends especially Kevin.
No please, don't be surprise! I saw your stupid smile on your face each time he spoke to you.
He is one of my bestfriend and I couldn't afford to lose my friendship with him because you cannot control your sex impulses.
Yes I am very jealous and I don't want to be cuckhold !
It's over.

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didier Fatou said :

Dear Samantha,

Some time anything goes wrong !
We wake up, and everything works badly !
To day is Valentine's Day.
I imagine you hoping flowers and soft words from me.
Instead of it you receive this letter in which you will be able to read that I leave you. If you don't understand why I do that, know that the heart has reasons which reason do not have !

It's definitely not your day !

Have a nice day nonetheless

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didier Fatou said :

Dear Samantha,

Some time anything goes wrong !
We wake up, and everything works badly !
To day is Valentine's Day.
I imagine you hoping flowers and soft words from me.
Instead of it you receive this letter in which you will be able to read that I leave you. If you don't understand why I do that, know that the heart has reasons which reason do not have !

It's definitely not your day !

Have a nice day nonetheless

Jean

February 13, 2009 at 10:19 PM  
Anonymous christian Kinet said...

Samantha,

Have you ever consider living with me for all your life?
Could you imagine get married with me?
Do you see us older and together, sharing the same house?
Could you be a caring mother?

I asked myself all these questions and I know you know the answer…

So, it’s not necessary to have a relation anymore.
We tried and we not succeed, I hope next one will be the one.

Without any regrets,
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 10:23 PM  
Anonymous christian Kinet said...

Samantha,

Have you ever consider living with me for all your life?
Could you imagine get married with me?
Do you see us older and together, sharing the same house?
Could you be a caring mother?

I asked myself all these questions and I know you know the answer…

So, it’s not necessary to have a relation anymore.
We tried and we not succeed, I hope next one will be the one.

Without any regrets,
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 10:23 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

Hi Jean
You won't be left in short supply. Here are three more models. Hope you'll be able to make up your mind.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sammie,

You are a dame of quality, of noble birth, of clear mind, of great charm, of big heart and with the ability to have your partner come down to a fine art. You see what I mean. Up until this very Friday the 13th I had hoped to be yours forever and ever.

Woe is me! Since The Delavigne Corp hired me, I have come to feel less than a man. At any time the whole staff are jeering and scoffing at me in the dullest way. All the day long everyone through the chain of command, the CEO serving me first - what makes me suffer the most - are playing me for a fool. To the point that I actually feel the stupidest fool ever seen on earth. As a momentous consequence, I could no longer afford to look up to you without feeling unworthy of the upper crust you are belonging to. Things couldn't go on that way. I had to make up my mind: either resigning of The Delavigne, or dumping you. I chose that latter solution because I wouldn't like to be on my uppers.

Be sure, Sammie, once mon amie, that I will never forget about you. That you forget everything about me or not, I don't care.

Jean
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samantha!
You looked terrific in the raw.
You teeth were made to spill the rich's blood.
Your tang could make them flee to the loo.
Your mood could put fire to the Rich's banks.
You red face was a revolutionist's.
I thought you'd play the new lusty Sparta Rosa.
But you're nothing but petit bourgeois!
Samatha!
Everything's screwed up.
Today I quited my job at the perfumers to get hired as a postman.
Now I am proud to be the first activist of the new anti capitalism party.
A petit bourgeois witch of your kind has nothing to do with it.
We broke Samantha.
Will no longer see ya.
Jean, postman.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samantha
Yeah, that's it. All is over between ya and me. At our last wanted-to-be slap and tickle party, no way of getting your teats up, and you were cold and dry, as dry as a Gobi desert. A wretched disaster.
I got it, Samantha doesn't turn me on any longer.
It doesn't come as a surprise to me. It was the same before with Anna, Gabriella, Theresa, Taratata...
Let's leave it at that.
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 11:50 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

Hi Jean
You won't be left in short supply. Here are three more models. Hope you'll be able to make up your mind.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sammie,

You are a dame of quality, of noble birth, of clear mind, of great charm, of big heart and with the ability to have your partner come down to a fine art. You see what I mean. Up until this very Friday the 13th I had hoped to be yours forever and ever.

Woe is me! Since The Delavigne Corp hired me, I have come to feel less than a man. At any time the whole staff are jeering and scoffing at me in the dullest way. All the day long everyone through the chain of command, the CEO serving me first - what makes me suffer the most - are playing me for a fool. To the point that I actually feel the stupidest fool ever seen on earth. As a momentous consequence, I could no longer afford to look up to you without feeling unworthy of the upper crust you are belonging to. Things couldn't go on that way. I had to make up my mind: either resigning of The Delavigne, or dumping you. I chose that latter solution because I wouldn't like to be on my uppers.

Be sure, Sammie, once mon amie, that I will never forget about you. That you forget everything about me or not, I don't care.

Jean
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samantha!
You looked terrific in the raw.
You teeth were made to spill the rich's blood.
Your tang could make them flee to the loo.
Your mood could put fire to the Rich's banks.
You red face was a revolutionist's.
I thought you'd play the new lusty Sparta Rosa.
But you're nothing but petit bourgeois!
Samatha!
Everything's screwed up.
Today I quited my job at the perfumers to get hired as a postman.
Now I am proud to be the first activist of the new anti capitalism party.
A petit bourgeois witch of your kind has nothing to do with it.
We broke Samantha.
Will no longer see ya.
Jean, postman.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samantha
Yeah, that's it. All is over between ya and me. At our last wanted-to-be slap and tickle party, no way of getting your teats up, and you were cold and dry, as dry as a Gobi desert. A wretched disaster.
I got it, Samantha doesn't turn me on any longer.
It doesn't come as a surprise to me. It was the same before with Anna, Gabriella, Theresa, Taratata...
Let's leave it at that.
Jean

February 13, 2009 at 11:50 PM  
Anonymous Menehune said...

My dear Sam,

Congratulations on your outstanding performance in the Vendée Globle race.
I was planning to be there for you arrival at the Sables d'Olonne but my employer,Delavigne Corp., turned down my request for a week's holiday.
I suspect Bruno was present as he suddenly flew yesterday to Paris pretending he was invited for a lecture at a mysterious international conference.

I feel our relationship isn't going anywhere. I can no longer stand your frequent and long absences, the fear of shipwreck... It's a nigtmare!

I must also confess I'm prone to seasickness and I cannot swim!
So I believe time has come to put an end to our affair.

I will find myself a new (land)love and hope you will soon meet the dolphin of your dreams.

Aloha!

Jean

February 14, 2009 at 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Menehune said...

My dear Sam,

Congratulations on your outstanding performance in the Vendée Globle race.
I was planning to be there for you arrival at the Sables d'Olonne but my employer,Delavigne Corp., turned down my request for a week's holiday.
I suspect Bruno was present as he suddenly flew yesterday to Paris pretending he was invited for a lecture at a mysterious international conference.

I feel our relationship isn't going anywhere. I can no longer stand your frequent and long absences, the fear of shipwreck... It's a nigtmare!

I must also confess I'm prone to seasickness and I cannot swim!
So I believe time has come to put an end to our affair.

I will find myself a new (land)love and hope you will soon meet the dolphin of your dreams.

Aloha!

Jean

February 14, 2009 at 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Martine said...

Hi Samantha

How could I express my will to leave you better than writing you an email...
at least you won't beat me as you did so many times. When you started quarelling for unsignificant facts I thought it was just for kidding! I was too patient with you, thought it was a game! in the end I found out that you're a true evil .
My family as well as my friends warned me -since they knew you before we both were introduced- Why God didn't I listen to them ???
My decision is not to see you anymore, I'd rather live like an ermite than a slave.
I do hope you'll never make a man cry again,and I'll pray for the next guy you'll attract! At least you'll not be in the surroundings anymore. By the way please leave the apartment... I want my freedom and safety back soon.
It's official now, our relation is over. So do not hope I could change my mind .
And now : ACTION !

You ex who is looking forward to getting back his keys and freedom.

February 15, 2009 at 7:10 PM  
Anonymous Martine said...

Hi Samantha

How could I express my will to leave you better than writing you an email...
at least you won't beat me as you did so many times. When you started quarelling for unsignificant facts I thought it was just for kidding! I was too patient with you, thought it was a game! in the end I found out that you're a true evil .
My family as well as my friends warned me -since they knew you before we both were introduced- Why God didn't I listen to them ???
My decision is not to see you anymore, I'd rather live like an ermite than a slave.
I do hope you'll never make a man cry again,and I'll pray for the next guy you'll attract! At least you'll not be in the surroundings anymore. By the way please leave the apartment... I want my freedom and safety back soon.
It's official now, our relation is over. So do not hope I could change my mind .
And now : ACTION !

You ex who is looking forward to getting back his keys and freedom.

February 15, 2009 at 7:10 PM  
Anonymous Nadège RAVET said...

Samantha,

I'm gonna say it (well... write it) loud and clear : You've been stalking me for months now and I can't take it any longer; it just has to stop right away. I think that Valentine's day is the perfect day to tell you to forget about my number, my address, even my name, because today is lovers' day and, clearly, we cannot be defined like ones. The chemistry isn't right between us, never has. And even if it were, you are too crazy a woman (no offense) for me to even think of staying by you. There is no way I would do such a stupid thing, for I would certainly lose my nerves (and probably my mind).

Have I made myself clear? I hope so.

I'm not looking forward to hearing from you, nevertheless, I wish you a good day!

Good bye for ever!

Jean

February 16, 2009 at 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Nadège RAVET said...

Samantha,

I'm gonna say it (well... write it) loud and clear : You've been stalking me for months now and I can't take it any longer; it just has to stop right away. I think that Valentine's day is the perfect day to tell you to forget about my number, my address, even my name, because today is lovers' day and, clearly, we cannot be defined like ones. The chemistry isn't right between us, never has. And even if it were, you are too crazy a woman (no offense) for me to even think of staying by you. There is no way I would do such a stupid thing, for I would certainly lose my nerves (and probably my mind).

Have I made myself clear? I hope so.

I'm not looking forward to hearing from you, nevertheless, I wish you a good day!

Good bye for ever!

Jean

February 16, 2009 at 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Nantesian Guy said...

Hello Sam,

You know, I prefer to stop our relation now. Why? Because you vomited a nice 'muscadet' from Mouzillon in the restaurant!! I never saw anyone does it in S.F.!!!
And moreover, you told me last sunday you didn't like the S.F. books of Jules Verne...

So if you don't love Nantes, I can't love you Sam!

Baille fort et veurre

February 20, 2009 at 12:47 AM  
Anonymous Nantesian Guy said...

Hello Sam,

You know, I prefer to stop our relation now. Why? Because you vomited a nice 'muscadet' from Mouzillon in the restaurant!! I never saw anyone does it in S.F.!!!
And moreover, you told me last sunday you didn't like the S.F. books of Jules Verne...

So if you don't love Nantes, I can't love you Sam!

Baille fort et veurre

February 20, 2009 at 12:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hany, Youre are like my life.
I wanna discribe how is it. Every day a wake up tired, upset, bored, engry and lazzy. I discovered that you are the same.
I was wondering if I could live another live I'd better alone.
So you are like my life, pleae let me die!

February 20, 2009 at 1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hany, Youre are like my life.
I wanna discribe how is it. Every day a wake up tired, upset, bored, engry and lazzy. I discovered that you are the same.
I was wondering if I could live another live I'd better alone.
So you are like my life, pleae let me die!

February 20, 2009 at 1:12 AM  
Anonymous glezandrade said...

Hany, Youre are like my life.
I wanna discribe how is it. Every day a wake up tired, upset, bored, engry and lazzy. I discovered that you are the same.
I was wondering if I could live another live I'd better alone.
So you are like my life, pleae let me die!

February 20, 2009 at 1:15 AM  
Anonymous glezandrade said...

Hany, Youre are like my life.
I wanna discribe how is it. Every day a wake up tired, upset, bored, engry and lazzy. I discovered that you are the same.
I was wondering if I could live another live I'd better alone.
So you are like my life, pleae let me die!

February 20, 2009 at 1:15 AM  

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