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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Being a special assistant

When I talk to dinner guests about my job, most are like: how many assistants does your boss need?

That's an easy one to answer: two.

One is his personal assistant: Polly Jane Watson. She does all the clerical stuff. I'm not saying that it's boring, but I don't think I could do that.

I'm Bruno's Special Assistant. I do the special stuff. I'm his aide, his body man, his dog walker, his pillow fluffer, his confidant, his food & beverage stylist, his biographer, his Umalohokan, his stunt double, his masseur, his Taikomochi...

Bruno's even thinking of adding some new responsibilities to my job. Can anyone think of any new tasks I could take on?

For example: Brian - I've always thought that you have the necessary skills to be Bruno's 'Groom of the Stool': you possess a steady hand, your knowledge of suitable reading material is unsurpassed, and you'll have excellent access not only to Bruno's ear but his rear as well.

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32 Comments:

Anonymous Gee said...

I was about to suggest some additional task you could deal with, Brian, I was on the verge of jotting it down when I came across the last but last but one word of the example you handed out. So much has been peddled yet about Bruno being gay but so far nothing has ever been proved to be true. Since I'd like now to ask you: Are you used to screwing him now and then? If not, that could be a new responsability to you.

April 8, 2009 at 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

I was about to suggest some additional task you could deal with, Brian, I was on the verge of jotting it down when I came across the last but last but one word of the example you handed out. So much has been peddled yet about Bruno being gay but so far nothing has ever been proved to be true. Since I'd like now to ask you: Are you used to screwing him now and then? If not, that could be a new responsability to you.

April 8, 2009 at 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Brian Jones said...

Such crude questions are best unanswered. Isn't it more interesting to leave such things to the imagination?

April 9, 2009 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Brian Jones said...

Such crude questions are best unanswered. Isn't it more interesting to leave such things to the imagination?

April 9, 2009 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee: is this really appropriate?!

April 9, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee: is this really appropriate?!

April 9, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Anonymous Gee said...

I gave a follow-up to your own crude suggestions, Brian.
You were hinting at Obama's body man being a basketball player pal. I overheard that you were taking lessons with the great Masaki to become a skilfull ping-pong player able to join in the next Olympic Games. I think you should think more of your manager's success than your own being on the top of the world. My suggestion as an additional task for you: playing chess with Bruno. It would be usefull to improve Delavigne's operational results in their fight against competitors.

April 9, 2009 at 11:07 AM  
Anonymous Gee said...

I gave a follow-up to your own crude suggestions, Brian.
You were hinting at Obama's body man being a basketball player pal. I overheard that you were taking lessons with the great Masaki to become a skilfull ping-pong player able to join in the next Olympic Games. I think you should think more of your manager's success than your own being on the top of the world. My suggestion as an additional task for you: playing chess with Bruno. It would be usefull to improve Delavigne's operational results in their fight against competitors.

April 9, 2009 at 11:07 AM  
Anonymous Hortence said...

What about being his "human touch"? Bruno is so ethereal, so virtual, so out of reach, a "human touch" - in the person of Brian - would contribute to relieve him of unused tenderness as well as warm up his public image. One of Brian new responsibilities would be, among other, to be his personal hugs giver and hugs receiver. I'm already seeing newspapers headlines: "A new scent of love at Delavigne!"

April 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM  
Anonymous Hortence said...

What about being his "human touch"? Bruno is so ethereal, so virtual, so out of reach, a "human touch" - in the person of Brian - would contribute to relieve him of unused tenderness as well as warm up his public image. One of Brian new responsibilities would be, among other, to be his personal hugs giver and hugs receiver. I'm already seeing newspapers headlines: "A new scent of love at Delavigne!"

April 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM  
Anonymous Richard said...

Gee, you're the weakest link! Good bye

April 14, 2009 at 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Richard said...

Gee, you're the weakest link! Good bye

April 14, 2009 at 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

In the BBC programme, the weakest link, as being fired, has the right to make a comment about their unfair mishap.
Here on this damned blog, a guy called Richard has unfairly sacked the host to take him over!

April 14, 2009 at 11:25 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

In the BBC programme, the weakest link, as being fired, has the right to make a comment about their unfair mishap.
Here on this damned blog, a guy called Richard has unfairly sacked the host to take him over!

April 14, 2009 at 11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

Sorry to bother you guys, but I am not following... Gee, being the host here (I presume - I tought it was Brian thoug), have been sacked by Richard who wanted to take his place as the presumed host (or as the weakest link?), all this in relation with an unlucky consciousness accident that took place after the legitimate host has invited the bloggers to assignate him new task.

I think I overestimated my English ability to join this blog. A French-English dictionnary will not be enough...

April 15, 2009 at 3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

Sorry to bother you guys, but I am not following... Gee, being the host here (I presume - I tought it was Brian thoug), have been sacked by Richard who wanted to take his place as the presumed host (or as the weakest link?), all this in relation with an unlucky consciousness accident that took place after the legitimate host has invited the bloggers to assignate him new task.

I think I overestimated my English ability to join this blog. A French-English dictionnary will not be enough...

April 15, 2009 at 3:15 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

Hi there, you latest speaker who wanted to speak anonymously.
You didn't want to speak openly, you hid your head behind a mask of 9 lifeless letters. What for? Shyness? Taunting? Trickery?

You didn't overestimate your skills for you caught perfectly what happened. The host of this thread was Brian himself. The poor Gee was taking part in the debate by trying to comply with Brian's requirements and to answer his questions. It was going on so to the point when Richard, that no one had ever heard of until then, showed up with stealing the mike from the host to squawk "Gee, you're the weakest link! Good bye" As you noticed Gee didn't even make it to get the dot that probably came up as a full stop to cut his tongue off.

Gee has got the sack. He must be now wandering about like a lost soul, a stray sheep, helpless, distraught with lunacy. That's why, you nameless latest speaker, you had better to stay and go on talking on this thread, for the sake of every blogger that have taken part so far.

Gee asked me to keep him posted about the development of the debate.

(s) Gee's ghost, acting as Gee's spokesman.

April 15, 2009 at 11:58 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

Hi there, you latest speaker who wanted to speak anonymously.
You didn't want to speak openly, you hid your head behind a mask of 9 lifeless letters. What for? Shyness? Taunting? Trickery?

You didn't overestimate your skills for you caught perfectly what happened. The host of this thread was Brian himself. The poor Gee was taking part in the debate by trying to comply with Brian's requirements and to answer his questions. It was going on so to the point when Richard, that no one had ever heard of until then, showed up with stealing the mike from the host to squawk "Gee, you're the weakest link! Good bye" As you noticed Gee didn't even make it to get the dot that probably came up as a full stop to cut his tongue off.

Gee has got the sack. He must be now wandering about like a lost soul, a stray sheep, helpless, distraught with lunacy. That's why, you nameless latest speaker, you had better to stay and go on talking on this thread, for the sake of every blogger that have taken part so far.

Gee asked me to keep him posted about the development of the debate.

(s) Gee's ghost, acting as Gee's spokesman.

April 15, 2009 at 11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, it's a complete screw-up from the beginning to the end. Since Bruno never bother to tighten the screw on him until now, this is what happens. Well, Screw you Gee!

By the way Gee's ghost, if you see the ghost of Cheeter screwing around, tell him that we miss him a lot. He had a screw loose but we loved him all the same.

Cheer!

April 16, 2009 at 1:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, it's a complete screw-up from the beginning to the end. Since Bruno never bother to tighten the screw on him until now, this is what happens. Well, Screw you Gee!

By the way Gee's ghost, if you see the ghost of Cheeter screwing around, tell him that we miss him a lot. He had a screw loose but we loved him all the same.

Cheer!

April 16, 2009 at 1:02 AM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Gee et al,

Please leave the sexual references to the experts, namely me. While we all appreciate your participation, we prefer a more subtle approach to commenting. Peace out, suckers.

April 16, 2009 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Gee et al,

Please leave the sexual references to the experts, namely me. While we all appreciate your participation, we prefer a more subtle approach to commenting. Peace out, suckers.

April 16, 2009 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous Newbe said...

As it appears, Anonymous as replaced Gee as the weakest link, so goodby Anonymus, your sacked, and welcome back Gee!

April 16, 2009 at 5:05 PM  
Anonymous Newbe said...

As it appears, Anonymous as replaced Gee as the weakest link, so goodby Anonymus, your sacked, and welcome back Gee!

April 16, 2009 at 5:05 PM  
Anonymous G2 said...

It is with much pleasure that we see some new blood on the blog, anonymous, and I include myself in this bloodiness for I am red with anger and not chilled out one smudge. But from pleasure to business as I realize that Gee has certainly had his nose bloodied by the critics for making insinuations of the most impure kind about the orientations of Brian Jones. No one would call me a dog for being as so bold to iterate, somewhat verbosely, that the hounds are baying for Gee's blood! But I ask solemnly now in order to avoid the humps being gotten, or any cheesing off of any sort, that we take an almighty calm pill. Let there be no bad blood on this good blog! We need to occupy stronger links between bloggers, not weaker ones!

April 16, 2009 at 5:41 PM  
Anonymous G2 said...

It is with much pleasure that we see some new blood on the blog, anonymous, and I include myself in this bloodiness for I am red with anger and not chilled out one smudge. But from pleasure to business as I realize that Gee has certainly had his nose bloodied by the critics for making insinuations of the most impure kind about the orientations of Brian Jones. No one would call me a dog for being as so bold to iterate, somewhat verbosely, that the hounds are baying for Gee's blood! But I ask solemnly now in order to avoid the humps being gotten, or any cheesing off of any sort, that we take an almighty calm pill. Let there be no bad blood on this good blog! We need to occupy stronger links between bloggers, not weaker ones!

April 16, 2009 at 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

So kind you are, Newbe, but in the Weakest Link quiz show, weakest links are sacked the one after the other up until the champ stay the sole winner.
Zelig the prophet forecasts you as the prodigy winner, Newbe.
(s) Gee's ghost

April 16, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Anonymous Gee said...

So kind you are, Newbe, but in the Weakest Link quiz show, weakest links are sacked the one after the other up until the champ stay the sole winner.
Zelig the prophet forecasts you as the prodigy winner, Newbe.
(s) Gee's ghost

April 16, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Anonymous Newbe said...

I pass... Who wants to save Gee?

April 17, 2009 at 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Newbe said...

I pass... Who wants to save Gee?

April 17, 2009 at 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Hortence said...

As for me, I have a snowball's chance in hell to succeed in replacing Gee at the mike. It will take a little magic to turn him into a prince again I guess. Maybe a kiss from God himself will do the job? Know that his taxes are done Bruno should be more available...

April 18, 2009 at 12:37 PM  
Anonymous Hortence said...

As for me, I have a snowball's chance in hell to succeed in replacing Gee at the mike. It will take a little magic to turn him into a prince again I guess. Maybe a kiss from God himself will do the job? Know that his taxes are done Bruno should be more available...

April 18, 2009 at 12:37 PM  

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