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Thursday, April 23, 2009

My trip to Heaven so far

I must say, this Heaven place is kind of cool. They've got everything here: Angels, cloud sofas, champagne bubble baths. Anything a dead guy could want, at your fingertips. Everything is white though. It's like one of P.Diddy's parties in the Hamptons, or so I've been told. Anyway, since I've been here I've mainly been walking around, trying to meet hot dead people.

So far I've met Bruno's grandfather, Xavier, who is hot in the sense that he is on fire. He died in an explosion, and believe me, those flames are pretty cool. I imagine that's got to be a pretty awesome conversation starter in the local saloons. Otherwise, who else is cool here? Jimi Hendrix, he's a good dude. We smashed some guitars with St. Peter last night. Winston Churchill... that guy is a blast, but man can he talk your ear off. He kept trying to tell me that the only thing I had to fear was fear itself, but I wasn't trying to hear that. The guy can throw some darts though, I'll give him that. Marilyn Monroe... Two words: Crazy Cakes. I mean she's pretty, don't get me wrong, but you get her started talking about the Kennedys, and she'll start crying about Camelot and Jackie O for hours. Who else... Napoleon? That dude is pretty short. Plus I think he's packing heat in his jacket. Oh, if you go to heaven, you should definitely check out Martin Luther King's discotheque. That place is THE spot to be after midnight.

Other than that, I've just been chilling out, playing scrabble with Socrates, having tea with Lady Di and her roommate Cleopatra (much hotter in person), shot 9 holes of golf with Albert Einstein. He tried to teach me the theory of relativity; I taught him my favorite pick up lines. Good times... I could get used to a place like this...

Anyhow, I should run. Joan of Arc is giving me an archery lesson in 20.

Peace out, Earthlings!

Love, Philip

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16 Comments:

Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Sounds like fun! ALMOST enough to make me consider visiting the Golden Gate Bridge this weekend... but not quite.

Anyway, my granddad died a few months ago, and my gran (still alive, just) has been searching for the remote control ever since. If you meet a Josiah Benedict, could you please ask him what he's done with the remote? Ta!

April 23, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Sounds like fun! ALMOST enough to make me consider visiting the Golden Gate Bridge this weekend... but not quite.

Anyway, my granddad died a few months ago, and my gran (still alive, just) has been searching for the remote control ever since. If you meet a Josiah Benedict, could you please ask him what he's done with the remote? Ta!

April 23, 2009 at 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

I'll see what I can do, Benedict. Do you think he's watching TV up here too? I'll check the TV lounge.

April 23, 2009 at 5:33 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

I'll see what I can do, Benedict. Do you think he's watching TV up here too? I'll check the TV lounge.

April 23, 2009 at 5:33 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Cheers! He's probably watching Judge Judy. That's all he ever did while he was alive. That and hide things from my grandmother.

April 23, 2009 at 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Cheers! He's probably watching Judge Judy. That's all he ever did while he was alive. That and hide things from my grandmother.

April 23, 2009 at 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Found him! Dude, he's got a huge beard! That thing could use a massive shortening. And his spine is so weird, it seems to go in seven different directions at once. I'll see if I can round up a couple of horses and head to the chiropracter. Oh, and FYI: he says to 'look under granny's wide bum' for the remote. Then he took a swing at me. Nice guy.

April 23, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Found him! Dude, he's got a huge beard! That thing could use a massive shortening. And his spine is so weird, it seems to go in seven different directions at once. I'll see if I can round up a couple of horses and head to the chiropracter. Oh, and FYI: he says to 'look under granny's wide bum' for the remote. Then he took a swing at me. Nice guy.

April 23, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Anonymous Brian Jones said...

Er, Philip...? I know that you're kind of off duty at the moment, but Bruno wanted to know if you could see if anyone wanted to buy our perfumes up there. Also, it'd be great if we could get Lady Di to endorse one of our scents. She had such an aura about her when she lived, so I expect it's pretty wild right now.

April 23, 2009 at 6:13 PM  
Anonymous Brian Jones said...

Er, Philip...? I know that you're kind of off duty at the moment, but Bruno wanted to know if you could see if anyone wanted to buy our perfumes up there. Also, it'd be great if we could get Lady Di to endorse one of our scents. She had such an aura about her when she lived, so I expect it's pretty wild right now.

April 23, 2009 at 6:13 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Jones! Good to hear from you. I'll do my best, but you know how princesses can be. Plus there are a ton of them up here that are so cliquish. Cleopatra, Zelda, Toadstool, Leah, the list goes on and on. Di seems like a good one though, and her dude Dodi seems like decent fella, apart for his douchey name.

If I'm going to sell perfumes up here though, I expect a bigger commission, what with the cost of living in Heaven. Please let management know. Oh, and don't touch my stuff! I don't know how long I'll be here, but I plan on coming back for the essentials like me Mr. T clock and my hair gel.

Peace out, terrestrial suckers!

April 23, 2009 at 6:38 PM  
Anonymous Philip Cheeter said...

Jones! Good to hear from you. I'll do my best, but you know how princesses can be. Plus there are a ton of them up here that are so cliquish. Cleopatra, Zelda, Toadstool, Leah, the list goes on and on. Di seems like a good one though, and her dude Dodi seems like decent fella, apart for his douchey name.

If I'm going to sell perfumes up here though, I expect a bigger commission, what with the cost of living in Heaven. Please let management know. Oh, and don't touch my stuff! I don't know how long I'll be here, but I plan on coming back for the essentials like me Mr. T clock and my hair gel.

Peace out, terrestrial suckers!

April 23, 2009 at 6:38 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Philip: Hooray! Grandma is really pleased, and is switching between the channels like a young lass of 12. It's given her a new lease of life!

Say 'thanks' to granddad from me, and give him a kick in the shin from granny.

April 23, 2009 at 6:42 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Benedict said...

Philip: Hooray! Grandma is really pleased, and is switching between the channels like a young lass of 12. It's given her a new lease of life!

Say 'thanks' to granddad from me, and give him a kick in the shin from granny.

April 23, 2009 at 6:42 PM  
Anonymous Edward Moon said...

Philip, please come back, I miss your shouting. Send me a lightning bolt to show that you still care.

April 23, 2009 at 7:23 PM  
Anonymous Edward Moon said...

Philip, please come back, I miss your shouting. Send me a lightning bolt to show that you still care.

April 23, 2009 at 7:23 PM  

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