'Don't Touch The Interns, Philip'?

'Don't Touch The Interns, Philip'?

Hi there, a very annoyed Philip Cheeter here.

I'm sure that, like me, you have read my superb biography many times.

But just in case you have forgotten one or two of the facts from it, let me remind you. One of the ground rules in the office, ever since a misunderstanding a couple of years ago, is apparently 'don't touch the interns, Philip'. This is unfairly specific, I feel. But I was fine with it, if it meant keeping my job – until yesterday.

There's a new intern in the office. English guy. He struts in on his first day, kissing all the gals on the cheek, smiling like he owns the place, and generally getting in my way. Worst of all, my beloved Susie seems intent on him being her new protegé. If this guy thinks he can move in on my territory, if he thinks he can ruin my flirting monopoly in the Delavigne headquarters, then he is sadly mistaken. And I will make damn sure that he doesn't sell a single perfume.

The question I want to ask is: if Philip can't touch the interns, how come the interns can touch anyone they like? In any case, in the words of MC Hammer, he can't touch this. He won't last long.

Do you ever wish you could act with a bit more freedom at work? Or maybe you're tired of being touched by your colleagues. Either way, tell me about it in a comment!