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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Putting together the pieces- an update from your hero.

Hello Sex Delavigne Fans! Long time, no post. Sorry about that. Things have never been busier for your old pal, Philip, as I have been appointed the new interim director of the Delavigne Corporation while Bruno is off doing something predictably stupid.

Actually, I'll be honest. They only gave me the title because I wouldn't stop spamming the company with e-mails with compromising photos, begging for the position. But now that I have the job, as first order of business, let me give you the scoop on Bruno's crazy actions lately. He never explicitly told me what was happening, but I consider myself somewhat of an amateur sleuth. I can usually guess the plots of the movies I watch within the first couple of minutes. Granted, they're usually pornographic in nature, but that changes nothing.

Yesterday in the multi-purpose room, I overheard Bruno yelling at the top of his lungs, probably at Brian. Personally, I would have chosen Edward or Icarus. I love yelling at those two, but Brian is a good a whipping boy as anyone else in this company. He also has that stupid British accent... in retrospect, good move, Bruno. Anyway, I couldn't make out what they were talking about entirely: something about a penny? I can only assume they were discussing American coins, and why we continue to use the penny at all. We should outlaw those stupid, worthless coins.

Next, Bruno hopped on a plane for Sweden - That's where Zurich is, right? I'm not so good at geography, I admit. That's why I prefer staying in one of America's 57 States. The big man didn't say much, only that he had to visit a library... which is weird because why would anyone do that? I haven't been to a library since the 1980's, and that was just because I was dating a chick who was way into microfiches. I will say that librarians are super kinky though, and librarian sex, well it's ironically the best sex there is, right up there with clown sex and rabbi sex. The best.

Finally, Bruno was clinging to a photo as if his life depended on it... if I had to wager, I'd say it had to do with his discussion with Brian about pennies. So, to summarize: I'm about 50 percent sure that Bruno traveleld to Sweden after arguing with Brian about American coins. And 50 percent of the time, I'm right every time.
So, what do you think happened? I'll let you give your theories in the comment section. Otherwise, you can just tell me what you think about libraries and especially librarians.

To your keyboards!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Xoxo
maybe there is another reason for Bruno going to Zurich: in my opinion it is likely Bruno went overthere to spend a penny at the restroom of the library.

January 31, 2014 at 4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bruno is acting strange because he is scare about his family history

February 7, 2014 at 4:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Librarians are the hottest girls in the world, Philip.

February 28, 2014 at 10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

unsuscribme right now of you fucking newsletterrrrrrrrrr, all of you son of a ton of bitcheeeeeeess!!!
tell me how unsuscribemeeeeee!!! years and years trying unsuscribeme... let me on peace, you sucker!!! tell me how unsuscribe me for my self

September 27, 2014 at 8:04 PM  

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