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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Edward's funky thought of the day


I'm sure glad Horatio managed to get his hands on some babies - if not, he was going to test his perfumes on me!

Obviously I'm an intern - I'm paid nothing - so Delavigne marketing a new perfume for babies won't have a huge impact on my largely inconsequential existence. However, if you pressed me (or got me in a headlock like Philip Cheeter often does), I would have a small preference for selling a perfume that stops babies crying. Why you ask? I'll tell you why!

As you may or may not know, I am currently between homes and sleep in a tent in a park. It's not such a bad deal except for Sunday mornings when half the families in the Bay Area descend upon the playground next to me. I'm routinely woken up by crying babies, screaming children and over-excited adults, still high from the debauchery of Saturday night. Ok, it's usually more around 2pm, but Sunday is my one day off per week, and I like to have a lie-in.

If this new Delavigne fragrance could somehow stop these babies screaming, and maybe discourage toddlers from breathing, I would be eternally grateful. And in an ideal world, the perfume would also have the happy side effect of paralysing the parents' overactive reproductive organs. In fact, the more I think about it, this perfume would be a great help - there's only so many times I can threaten these young families with the big stick that I keep in my sleeping bag.

So, for quite long-winded reasons, that's the perfume I want Delavigne to market. It must happen!

But what did you vote for, dear reader?

Please write. It's lonely being an intern.

Your brave boy in a tent,



Blogger Unknown said...

This is scary enough to hear babies crying all the time. If you give those little creatures the power of speech, the world will certainly turn into a real mess! Gods be good...

November 3, 2014 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That's right. I have the power of speech and the world is indeed a holy mess but it began well before I earn my first cent.

You're always alone in your tent ?
Likely because of this Daredevil.
Have you a super hero identity ? Leaping and capering throughout the park at night, hitting drunken bums or hooligans to death ?

November 22, 2014 at 12:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Ed, I believed you'd found to share an apartment with a group of flight attendants... What happened?

November 23, 2014 at 6:57 PM  

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