The Delavigne Corporation Blog

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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Baby Carlos must die

I don't really think that baby Carlos should die. I just said it to grab your attention so that you might hear this cry for help.

In fact, I'm rather excited to see this boy-child start as official spokesbaby for the Delavigne Corporation. I think he will help communicate the hard rock and roll that lies at the heart of the company. And by hard rock and roll, I mean me! You might as well know: I've sent Carlos a demo of my music and I have high hopes for him using his verbal dexterity to find me a manager. If he can't find me a manager, maybe he could find me a girlfriend. Or failing that, just a dog or a cat. I'd settle for a hamster. Just something I could pet and have some sort of physical contact with. The photocopier at work is okay, but she's so cold and lifeless. And people are starting to ask questions about the extent of our relationship.

Anyway, all this leads me to think that everyone could use a spokesbaby to speak on their behalf. What would you use a spokesbaby for? How would they promote you and your interests? You see how I'm engaging you and getting you talking? I don't know why I'm so dreadful at picking up women in supermarkets.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on that, or any of the other burning issues of the day. What will baby Carlos actually do after he has defecated on my demo and thrown it in the trash? Where did his strange affected English accent come from? Is is possible to love a photocopier?

I look forward to reading you very closely indeed.