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The Delavigne Corporation Blog

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Dream on


The hallucinations have stopped, I've just fallen down from the ceiling with a bump. The dream sequence is definitively over. The last of the foie gras has definitively left my body. I hope Bob Carter won't mind me vomiting in his desk drawer like that.

Like divorces, dream sequences are a staple of the Christmas season. Who can forget the ghosts that visit Scrooge in A Christmas Carol? George Bailey visiting a world in which he was never born in Frank Capra's It's a wonderful Life? The Wizard of Oz is pretty much 3 hours of dream sequence (or complete tosh) depending on how much mulled wine you've had.

Pretty f@%*ed up: Scrooge tripping next
 to his fire place in Dickens' A Christmas Carol

Ecstatic: James Stewart rejoices that his
dream sequence is over. Only 3 more hours of fim left to go.

Off their tits: Where would The Wizard of Oz be without foie gras?

But let's not dwell on the films of Christmas past. I've got some practical help for you. If you ever eat some dodgy festive food at work (let's face it, a lot of turkeys are stuffed more with mescaline than stuffing these days), here is some advice on how to handle your own dream sequence.

1. Don't panic. Take a few deep breaths and admire your broccoli hands. Your head might be spinning... in the opposite corner of the room. This is completely normal. Relax and enjoy your trip.

2. Verify your dream sequence. Ask yourself: "Am I dreaming?". If you open your mouth to answer and your soul drops out, this is probably a drug-induced dream sequence rather than an actual dream. Good news!

3. Don't pee. Perhaps the most important, you know in a real dream, when you need to pee, you pee in the dream but never in the bed? Foie gras-fuelled dream sequences are NOT like this. Apologies again to Hannah Benedict who is currently drying off in the stationery cupboard.

4. Enjoy yourself. Dream sequences don't come every day, so make sure you make the most of it. You'll probably get fired at the end of it so you might as well have a good time.

That's about everything. I did have some insights into the meaning of existence, but they seem to have evaporated with the last morsel of foie gras in my blood. Something to do with Freddy Mercury...

Anyway, it was nice tripping with you! Why don't you take drugs at work and tell me what happens?

Enjoy the rest of the holidays. See you in 2017!



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