I'm going slightly mad

Wow, this month's Funky Friday was crazy! Don't expect this blog post to be any less crazy! It's completely nuts! Wooooh! I'm screaming at the computer like a crazy wolf man!

I'm so crazy that I'm not even going to ask you what you thought about Dr. Gilchrist and his crazy friends and the crazy escape plan! What I am going to do is post a crazy video made by four lads from England that changed the world, they created pop music as we know it, they're the biggest best band ever, they are of course the Fab Four - QUEEN!

Not only did QUEEN invent HARD ROCK, they also wrote a song that changed the way we think about mental illness. Here is the video. The highlight for me is of course Freddy Mercury's performance, which eerily foreshadows Heath Ledger's Joker in Batman Dark Knight. I also like the AWESOME guitar solo where Brian May becomes a penguin. Genius. Watch and enjoy! And remember, if the elevator tries to break you down - GO CRAZY!

Education in the UK: you learn something every day

My little twin cousins, Kai and Kia, have just got their A-Level results! I'm so proud of them - they both got 3 A grades and one of the new A* grades! Yes, brains do run in my family. These great results mean that they'll be going to really good universities.

However, not all A-Level students are quite so lucky. This year, a record number of talented British students will miss out on a place at university altogether. There are currently six students competing for each university place...

In case you don't know how the British system works, here's an outline:

• Students apply to up to five universities via a body called UCAS. Their application includes a 'personal statement' explaining what they want to study and why. Their teachers also estimate how they will perform in their A-Levels, offering 'predicted grades'.
• The universities respond to each student, either rejecting them, accepting them unconditionally, or (usually) making them a conditional offer. For example, a university might say "We'll accept you on to our History course if you get an 'A' in your History A-Level and at least 'B's in the two other subjects you study".
• If all goes well, you'll be able to go to the university you like best!
• If you don't do as well as expected in your A-Level exams, then you'll probably want to look for a university place through 'Clearing'.
• 'Clearing' is the UCAS service which helps to match up students to under-subscribed courses. This year, there are six times as many students in Clearing as there are university places available, so it's a 'survival of the fittest' situation!

So that's how we do things in England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. The Scottish system (Highers) is different, but I'm not an expert on that.

I'd love to learn how higher education works in your country!

And do you agree with the common complaint that 'too many young people are going to university nowadays'? What would you offer them instead?

Perhaps you think that education is a waste of time? I look forward to reading your comment full of spelling mistakes, if that's the case!

Best Funky Friday Ever!

Funky Friday reaches fifty, it's incredible but true. It's like having a super cool 50-year old uncle staying with you every last Friday of the month. This dude is so knowledgeable, he teaches you neat stuff about animals, ufos, gangsters and Parisian karaoke bars. This cool cat has his own theme tune whenever he enters the house. He wears fitted shirts, tight jeans, and slip-on shoes - what a charmer! But best of all, he doesn't look a day over 35 - just like Funky Friday!

So let's toast to Funky Friday, uncles and funkles. And let's hear about your favourite Funky Friday experience (and uncle, if you want).

As for me, the best Funky Friday ever... hasn't been written yet. As for my favourite uncle... I only had one and he smelled of cheese.

'Don't Touch The Interns, Philip'?

'Don't Touch The Interns, Philip'?

Hi there, a very annoyed Philip Cheeter here.

I'm sure that, like me, you have read my superb biography many times.

But just in case you have forgotten one or two of the facts from it, let me remind you. One of the ground rules in the office, ever since a misunderstanding a couple of years ago, is apparently 'don't touch the interns, Philip'. This is unfairly specific, I feel. But I was fine with it, if it meant keeping my job – until yesterday.

There's a new intern in the office. English guy. He struts in on his first day, kissing all the gals on the cheek, smiling like he owns the place, and generally getting in my way. Worst of all, my beloved Susie seems intent on him being her new protegé. If this guy thinks he can move in on my territory, if he thinks he can ruin my flirting monopoly in the Delavigne headquarters, then he is sadly mistaken. And I will make damn sure that he doesn't sell a single perfume.

The question I want to ask is: if Philip can't touch the interns, how come the interns can touch anyone they like? In any case, in the words of MC Hammer, he can't touch this. He won't last long.

Do you ever wish you could act with a bit more freedom at work? Or maybe you're tired of being touched by your colleagues. Either way, tell me about it in a comment!

Barking mad

Hello, blog fans. It's Luna DeLune here!

For years, I've been trying to convince my friends and colleagues of the importance of looking after their pets' mental health. And now, with the sorry case of Stink Delavigne, everyone is finally interested in what I have to say.

I first became interested in the field of animal psychology when a cat friend of mine began displaying signs of bipolar disorder. One day, she'd be insanely happy, purring at 60 decibels, and the next, she'd spend hours and hours lying on her favorite cushion, staring into space. I knew something was wrong. So I enrolled in an online animal psychology course, and I haven't looked back!

Anyway, here are a few tips for those of you with mentally-troubled pets:

• Listen to your pets. They may not be able to talk, but animals have ways of signaling their feelings (purring, barking, urinating on the couch, biting children's arms off, etc.).
• Talk to your pets. It has not yet been proven by science that animals can understand human speech, but I for one am fairly certain that they can. And besides, what have you got to lose apart from your dignity?
• Respect your pets. Don't forget that animals are people too!

Do you have any tips that you'd like to share with us? I'm always open to new suggestions!

Also, what did you make of Dr. Gilchrist, the dog psychologist from New Zealand who diagnosed Stink in this month's Funky Friday? Personally, I think he was a charlatan and deserves to be sent to prison. For life. How about you?!

The World Cup of English

Hi folks, Bruno Delavigne here.

If you're anything like me, you're currently soaking in a golden-plated Jacuzzi, sipping a high-quality adult beverage and eating gummi bears off of the well-toned bellies of foreign super-models... or possibly you're preparing yourself for the greatest sporting event of all, the World Cup! And while I'm sure you're each rooting for your own favorite teams (I'm personally rooting for the North Koreans to show the world that their expertise lies in football, and not just soviet-era nuclear-grade plutonium harvesting), I think you should all take a little trip to leMonde to play The WORLD CUP OF ENGLISH, brought to you by the good people at GymGlish. Here's the link for today's match:http://anglais.lemonde.fr/wce-denmark-japan

Don't forget to vote, and of course let us know who you're rooting for in the comment section of the blog!

Cheers,

Bruno

Gangsters

Gangsters are a dying breed... literally... they always seem to be dying, many before their time. Some go out gloriously - guns blazing- but others go out quietly and weirdly, like Mr. Al Capone, who died of some weird disease... hardly worthy of his Capo di Tutti Capi status in my opinion. In any case, Al Capone, took some time out of his busy day to come down and visit the Delavigne Corporation today, and well, the results were interesting. He amassed a nice little body count in his time in San Franciso... 4 kills to be exact. A special mention in our blog goes to whoever can name the 4 people that died by way of Al Capone's Tommy Gun in today's Funky Friday! Goodluck, wise guys!

P.S. Extra special credit for the person that can name the disease that Al eventually died from.

Have a nice, gangster and gun fire-free weekend.

Best,

Bruno