Wanted: New Dog

Cats need not apply

Hello,

As some of you may know, my dog Stink, a loving Shih-Tzu/St. Bernard mix, recently gave up the ghost. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. My dog was murdered, in cold blood, by none other than my sycophantic British twit/twat of an assistant, Brian Jones, or so it would seem. Legally, I'm not allowed to talk about it, as an investigation is currently underway. In the meantime, my therapist has advised me that the best way to overcome the grief of losing a loved one, particularly a dog as beautiful and furry as Stink, is to move on. Which brings me to my post: I'm in the market for a doggy, and I'm taking applications.



Requirements:
-must have 4 legs and a tail if possible
-must be well-behaved, heel, attack, break dance and urinate on command
-proficient in Internet Explorer, FireFox, and YouTube
-driver's License a plus
-fluent in Mandarin AND Cantonese
-compatibility with my playboy lifestyle
-interest in current events mandatory
-hatred of British, dog-murdering assistants appreciated.
-no fat dogs!


Below are some recent suggestions by my family and friends. Let me know if you have any recommendations or preferences for my next canine companion. Hopefully this one won't be murdered.

Expectantly,
Bruno